The Mad Bladder

Playing a monster game without a monster bladder

You sit down with a bag of Funions and a huge bottle of some purple fruit drink. 8 other brave souls take their places. Nervously, you flip over the random card.

You're Crete. Again.

But you've already planned your first three turns.

Double. Move.

Double. Stay still.

Double. You're now at 8 tokens. Your heart beats a little faster. Construct a ship through conscription. You remove two tokens and put a ship down in the waters off of Phaestos. A thin smile crosses your lips. Move.

Will you land on the east or west coast of the Aegean peninsula?

Thrace made a beeline down the coast on the east side. Illyria hesitated in the west — stopped too long at Pannonia. West, you decide. You load two tokens onto a ship and set sail for Epirus.

Wait! Africa pushes back his chair and stands up. Is he announcing an attack? Will he move at Egypt and start a land war in the first epoch? What can it be?

"Uh, I gotta take a piss."

Friggin' Africa. It's always Africa.

"Be right back."

You just started a 12-hour game of Advanced Civ and already countries are abandoning their borders to clear their bladders. This... could... take... days...

There has got to be a better way.

The Solution

Incontinence is the inability to hold your bladder for very long. It commonly takes of the form of frequent trips to the bathroom and can really slow a game down.

There is a solution to incontinence: adult diapers. And they're not just for adults any more. Sure, incontinence used to be a dirty word you'd only throw around when visiting the nursing home. You might also occasionally have used it when talking about babies, but they're allowed to crap in their drawers.

The following table describes the most prevalent types of adult incontinence products you will likely choose from:

Boosters		Alternatively known as strips, guards, or doublers. Boosters are liners that you put in your existing underwear. They typically have a thin strip of adhesive on the bottom to hold the liner in place. Depend Guards are specifically designed for the male anatomy. Boosters provide the least amount of protection but they are also the least expensive and least noticeable. FUN FACT: There are hemp doublers available.
Belted Undergarments		Mid-range protection with plenty of flexibility. Typically, belted undergarments come in a package that includes a single pair of elastic belts that you reuse with the disposable absorbent undegarment. These can be very comfortable, but do not have 360° gathers to prevent leakage. Belted undergarments are also less noticeable than their abler cousin, the brief.
Briefs		Also known as pull ups. Briefs have side fasteners and full gathers around the leg to prevent leakage. They are a single piece, often with no fasteners and an elastic wasteband. Some briefs feature velcro sides to allow waist adjustability. Briefs come in various levels of protection; go with "overnight" for the best protection.
External Catheters		Consist of a self-adhesive tip or nipple that slides over the end of your johnson, plus a collection bag with drain valve. External catheters are the pain-free way of catching it all in large quantities. The urine sack need only be emptied every 12 hours or so. The downsides are that external catheters are more expensive and you shouldn't wear shorts with a bag of piss strapped to your leg. Plus, the catheter tips can sometimes stick to your head. As comedian David Sedaris notes, you have to weigh the relative freedom of peeing in your pants against having a scab-covered penis. FUN FACT: Consumer-targeted Stadium Pal and Stadium Gal external catheters are available online and at Spencer Gifts stores.	+

Unpaid Advertisement

Factors to consider

There are many brands of adult diapers and related products on the market, and each brand's products has a myriad of options. When making your decisions, keep the following factors in mind:

#1 Factor: Absorbancy
Absorbancy is the most important consideration. Generally, the more absorbant the diaper, the bulkier it is. However, you should not consider a little extra bulge in the gulch too high a price to pay to avoid pee-stains. Start with the most absorbant diaper you can find, and work your way down to a less noticeable variety.
Fit/comfort
Each brand is a little different. You might have to try several before you find one that fits you best. Look for a snug, but not constricting fit.
Adjustability	Most diapers have some form of adjustability, from reinforced taping to re-snuggable clasping mechanisms. However, most waist and leg areas are also elastic, so don't fret if your diaper doesn't have buckles.
Leg and waste gathers	Elastic bands help prevent leakage, but if they are too tight, they can cause redness and irritation.
Cloth vs disposable	The classic debate still rages, but most people consider disposable diapers the way to go because of cost and convenience. Still, there are fanatics out there that claim cloth is better. It aint.
Environmental Factors
Almost as important as how you feel is how you feel others... And how they perceive you. Keep the following factors in mind when deciding if wearing a diaper is between you and the world or you and your own damp self.
Scent	Some diapers are equipped with perfumes that react to liquids. Others are not. Read packaging carefully, or you'll smell like a nursing home.
Noise level	Crackle is bad for the closet diaperist. When choosing a diaper, look for woven or cotton shells that are whisper-quiet. Polyurithane or plastic shells are less expensive, but can also give off a noticable SWISH SWISH when you sashay.
Bulk	Bigger is better when it comes to sucking up your dick juice, but an ultra-thick diaper can make you LOOK like you've got a load in your pants (which you might). Try to find a nice balance of absorbancy and under the RADAR appearance.

Spielboy Recommends

• Mix and match a diaper with a booster to really trap the trickles.
• If you've got a basketball-sized bladder, you might try wearing a onesie or mesh pants to hold up the diapers because they might get too heavy and start to sag under the weight.
• The following brands are recommended for best price/performance:

  	Attends are considered the best mass-market adult diaper for absorbtion and comfort. http://www.PaperPak.com
  	Priva makes a washable, pull-on plastic brief that is targeted to the higher end. http://www.priva-inc.com
  	Depend is the most widely available brand of adult incontinence products. Go to manufacturer's website for a $1 coupon. http://www.kimberly-clark.com

Further Study

More information

Reviews of many adult diapers:
Daily Diapers

List of movies containing diaper and/or wetting scenes:
Amazon's List Mania

Advanced Civilization: The Expansion Project:
ACEP