Hookin' Up Is Hard To Do
Your board game night might look alot less like a beer commercial and a little more like, well, a board game session, but once in a while a single Sally takes a wrong turn on the way to someplace cool and ends up playing games with you and your friends. If you wanna do some bonin' in the boneyard, you have to think and act fast.
The September 2003 issue of FHM magazines makes some general recommendations for hooking up. Here's a few of them that all men should follow, regardless of race, creed, or sexual orientation:
- There's a fine line between "interested" and "stalker"
- Don't dance
- Act your age
- Pretend you watch Tray Spay
That's sound advice, but there's alot more you need to know if you're slouched over a game of Taj instead of pimpin' it at the Regal Beagle.
Spielboy Recommends
Spielboy has a few recommendations of its own that you can use when trying to lose your virginity at the next boardgame night.
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| The other guys will cock punch you so hard you won't want to hook up for a couple days. |
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It's a no win situation. If she goes on to victory based on your advice, the other players will be pissed. And if she loses, she'll wonder if you wore a helmet to school. |
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| This isn't the Middle Ages and you aren't Sir Lance-her-not. |
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Chicks dig guys who like Password, Compatibility, and games that reveal something about you. Put one in your bin to make it look like you're a fan. |
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| She'll watch the way you treat other people to get an idea of how you'll treat her. This applies equally to waitresses, stewardesses, cashiers, dancers, Visigoths, and Huns. |
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Even if you've got the body of Nell Carter, try to wear a shirt that isn't 3 sizes too small. If you don't have any, order a Spielboy t-shirt. They come in 2XL and 3XL. |
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| Always pack a sheepskin with the wheat, brick, wood, and ore. |
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When she sees you pack up tiles, cubes, and cards with care and respect, she'll figure that you don't leave your grunders on the nightstand. |
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| Noone cares that you always win with the factory strategy, least of all a hunny. |
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Try not to get so into the game that you lose site of the real goal: sober, consensual spraying of DNA. |
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Sure-fire Pick-up Lines
The right game calls for the right line. You want her to concentrate on your clever reparte and forget about your deviated septum and absurdly long back hair. Try one of these on for size.
And don't forget, if you've got one that works, let the rest of us in on it. 
 | "Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?"
| | "Do you clean your slacks with Windex? I can see myself in them."
|  |  | (Open and close wallet quickly)
"Here's my Fine Arts Connoisseur diploma. You sure are a masterpiece."
| | You touch her shirt and ask: "Is this cotton?"
Wait for response.
Then reach between her legs: "Oh, this must be felt."
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"Pick Two" | "If you were a booger I'd pick you first."
| | "You know the more I drink, the prettier you get."
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"Settlers of Catan (Whiskey Edition)" |  | "Baby, you're like a steering wheel in my pants. You're driving me nuts."
| | "Well, my dick's not gonna suck itself."
|  |  | "Your place or mine? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours."
| | "If this place is a meat market, you must be the prime rib."
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| New Pickup Lines: |
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-Neil from Austin (Sat, Jun 23 2007 08:24:25)
| wanna fuck
-deez nutz from moody (Thu, Jul 27 2006 14:11:10)
| baby ... ill give wood to your sheep
(or the danish version "...jeg gir jern til dit får" ... )
when playing settlers
-mdk from copenhagen (Mon, May 17 2004 13:57:09)
| hey baby you know when you were a little girl and you went to the store with your mom and you wanted something real bad and no matter how much you begged for it she wouldnt get it for you well baby thts how I feel about you
-nic winkler from Moody AL (Mon, May 10 2004 15:37:49)
| suck my dick ass hoe!
-Unknown from Unknown (Thu, Apr 08 2004 17:08:54)
| If i said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
-Unknown from Unknown (Fri, Apr 02 2004 05:10:30)
| Fast Food Franchise: "Ill have one of you with nothing on it."
-Bottom at UG from Brighton (Thu, Sep 25 2003 13:52:57)
| When playing Pain Doctors: What you need is some vitamin Me.
-Scoring at UG from Brookline (Thu, Sep 25 2003 12:44:10)
| When playing Flaschenteufel (Bottle Devil): If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?
-Scoring at UG from Brookline (Thu, Sep 25 2003 12:41:56)
| When playing Scrabble:
Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
-Scoring at UG from Brookline (Thu, Sep 25 2003 12:36:27)
| My fat belly is intentional. When youve got a tool like mine, you got to build a shed over it.
-Leonard from Belchertown (Thu, Sep 18 2003 12:33:01)
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