Prison Gaming

Constantine von Hoffman
Special to Spielboy

Job, wife, kids or homework – despite the stereotype that gamers need to get a life, the truth is pretty much every one of us has to carve out time from our other pesky obligations to find time to game. There is one lucky group of gamers, however, for whom time is no object. No, not college students – it’s guests of the US penal system who have all the free time any gamer could possibly want.

With 1 of every 143 US residents in prison in 2002, you’ve got to figure some of them have to be gamers. And you’d be right. Don’t take our word for it, take the word of Kevin Bertram, former owner of game-seller Games Express: “We shipped a lot of games to Federal institutions,” says the 32-year-old resident of Falls Church, VA. “Axis and Allies was our biggest seller [to prisons]. Twilight Imperium has a cult following in the federal system. Settlers [of Catan] was popular, too.”

As you might guess, people with A LOT of time on their hands are pretty much obsessed with finding anything to do. So games of one sort or another have always been popular with prisoners. In addition to chess, the top (allowed) games are pretty much what you would expect: Checkers and dominoes are all usually available at prison stores. Depending on the rules of the particular facility you might also be able to get playing cards.

Scrabble also has a hold on many prisoners. In a post on the web-site PrisonTalk.com (“The Global Communications, Support & Information Nexus for Inmates’ Families & Friends”), Kevin — a former “guest” of the Texas penal system — writes, “A lot of inmates like to exercise their mind during dayroom free time and enjoy lengthy Scrabble games that last for hours in duration sometimes. The Scrabble dictionary is like a Bible and a survival handbook for the serious Scrabble dude.”

And, before you get put off by all the negative connotations that go with the words “convicted felons,” remember that Bertram says as a group, prisoners were by far the nicest customers he had to deal with. “They were very bright and uniformly polite. They would all send thank you notes.” Of course, they might also claim to be victims of an unjust legal system and crooked cops who trumped up charges against them.

Don’t worry that being a polite, pencil-necked gamer will automatically make you someone’s love puppy. Unlike the rest of society, skilled in prison gamers are held in high regard by the general population. As former Texas inmate Kevin writes, “Chess is played by many inmates and … being the preeminent chess player on any wing or farm is respected by most and comes with a degree of notoriety.” (In fact, chess is the game most likely to get prisoners support from the outside population. The US Chess Federation has a very active prison outreach program – with several institutions having chess clubs of their own. Also, matches are periodically set up between college chess teams and prison players.) No doubt all of this respect makes it a lot easier to get dates for the Big House prom, too.

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The biggest problems that gamers on the inside face (after remaining a technical virgin) is actually getting games. Many states don’t let prisoners receive packages from outside the prison. According to Debbi Buchanan, a spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Corrections, “Inmates may purchase poker cards, chess games, checkers, scrabble games, double nine dominoes and double six dominoes games from the canteen … [but] inmates are not allowed package permits.”

Similarly, New York state’s prisons ostensibly allow "checkerboards and checkers. Chess sets. Dominos... Playing cards — original pack unopened. Note: GAMES REQUIRING DICE NOT ALLOWED." One way to circumvent these restrictions is to learn to play traditional European style games with different components. One popular example is to play Call My Bluff with a Deck of Dice.

No matter how clear cut and well disseminated a particular prison’s rules may seem, remember those rules are all subject to the interpretation of individual corrections officers. Some officers interpret rules quite strictly because of their experience working with prisoners and other COs can be quite capricious. Games Express’ Bertram says he had many instances of repackaging games according to an institution’s shipping guidelines — some would only allow games in the original shrink wrap, while others required that games be re-packaged in clear-plastic bags for inspection — only to have them returned anyway as unacceptable.

Brief introduction to prison slang

Here's some phrases that might help you get by while your doing that nickel upstate on some trumped-up drug charge.

About the Author: A veteran journalist and novice stand-up comic, Constantine von Hoffman has worked for everyone from Rupert Murdoch (city editor, Boston Herald) to National Public Radio (associate producer, Living On Earth & Only A Game). As a gamer, he is valued by his friends for his ability to enthusiastically lose nearly every game he plays. He is also known for his semi-complete collection of all things Settlers-related. Full details on his professional life and crimes can be found at his web site, www.areporter.com.